Happy Birthday!

Dear Dawson,

Happy Birthday in Heaven!  Your 17th.  Wow!  The last one you would have had as a child.  I wonder what you are doing today.  I know you see me as I go to the cemetery and place your balloons there.  I know you are not there but I feel such a connection when I go there and sit quietly.  This day takes my mind back throughout all of the years to your many birthdays.  I remember them all.  13 Birthdays was not enough for me to spend with you.  What I would give to have more birthdays with you.  I knew that day 3 years ago that I was going to have to say a final goodbye to you.  It was apparent to both of us that this journey was not going to end like we had hoped.  I wondered how I was going to get through this life without you.  I did not think it was possible.  This is the 4th birthday spent without you.  I guess anything is indeed possible because I have managed to trudge through this life so far without you. But I have not really been without you have I?  You are here, you are there, you are everywhere.  I feel it and though it sounds crazy, I have seen it.  I did not do the Unite for the Fight game this year between Oviedo and Hagerty, but seeing the pictures this morning from last night’s game, Gold Ribbons were still being worn – there you are.  I am blessed to work with a fantastic group of people so last night my fellow math teachers and I gathered together to make Gold Ribbons for our Gold Ribbon Week  in a couple of weeks at Lawton Chiles Middle School – there you are.  Your Dawson’s Circle of Hope 5K will be changing homes.  We are no longer able to use Geneva Elementary PTA.  Apparently they said no to this year.  I really don’t know why.  All I do know is that when God closes one door He opens another.  I’ll find that new door.  That new door will be in Geneva.  It must be in Geneva.  We are Geneva.  Want to hear something funny?  A new person was buried right in front of your site.  Their name – Geneva.  I’m serious – can’t make this stuff up.  So as I sit at your gravesite and see all of the balloons and owls that people have left for you, I am blessed.  Thru you, we are making a difference in the lives of children with cancer.  I always knew God had a better purpose and we can see that in action.  We will find a new home for your race.  I ate Baskin-Robbins ice cream as I sat here.  I laugh as I remember your favorite, Pink Bubble Gum.  Since Heaven has streets of Gold, I am sure that you are able to have something as simple as Pink Bubble Gum ice cream.  Enjoy, my precious baby, and have a great birthday in Heaven!  I still miss you every single second of every single day.  I always will.  I will allow myself to wallow in tears today, but I will pick myself back up and stand tall tomorrow.  We will walk those streets of Gold together one day.  I look forward to that.  Perhaps, we would be able to walk the fields of Gold.  We like fields much more than streets.  We are Geneva.

Until forever,

Mom17th-birthday-picture